every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
