Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
