I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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