I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Me too!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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