you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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