I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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