My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
