the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
