can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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