Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
