I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
