i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
