So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
