she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
