i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Welp...herpes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
