i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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