is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
