see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
