I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
