I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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