I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
