i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
