it was like his penis was on wheels.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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