The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
