when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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