Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
