"it" just moved
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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