no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
