someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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