You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
