Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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