Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
