Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
