That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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