i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Dicks are not precious.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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