it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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