you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
