At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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