did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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