Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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