lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
