Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
