Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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