i wish my penis had a tongue
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize