I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
