I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
