Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
