it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
