Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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