He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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