I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize