Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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