Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
