jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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