I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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