Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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