Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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