and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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