I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
